Things Asians Do

Sandra Oh, the Korean-American actress of Grey’s Anatomy and Sideways fame, is considered by Asians to be the defining benchmark for unattractiveness. Her small eyes, shapeless body, and androgynous features combined with her success in Hollywood are a constant subject of controversy. Asians are bewildered by her popularity among non-Asians, because they believe any rational person without a preference for only dating Asians cannot find her remotely attractive.

This polarization of opinion on Sandra Oh is useful for both psychiatrists and the U.S. Census Bureau. “Do you think Sandra Oh is good looking?” is the standard question for clinicians to ask Asian males to determine insanity level. If the Asian answers in the affirmative, three burly men will storm the room and haul off the patient for immediate tranquilization. The same question is posed on the U.S. Census bureau survey to determine whether a mixed-race Asian should be counted as White or Asian – people with affirmative answers are counted as White, and people with negative answers are counted as Asian.

This knowledge can be used to prevent awkward situations with Asian girls. Upon meeting an Asian girl that resembles Ms. Oh, never mention the similarities between them, as this is an extremely grave insult. Instead, compliment her by saying she “looks a lot like Lucy Liu”, who also has small eyes, but is taller, slimmer, and is considered to be the paragon of Asian beauty by White males.

N.B. She was on People’s 50 Most Beautiful People list in 2005, considered to be as attractive as Jessica Alba, Mischa Barton, and Eva Mendes.