7) Ninja Dating

April 15, 2008 at 10:18 pm | Posted in Habits | 10 Comments

Males of all races fear the awkwardness and embarrassment of asking someone out on a date because of the stigma of rejection. Furthermore, even if successful in obtaining the first few dates, the man must overcome the risk associated with achieving official dating status by asking to define the relationship, at which point the woman will say she just wants to be friends or will accede and say yes. A non-Asian male will manage this risk directly by making it obviously clear to the woman their romantic intentions from the very first conversation. Asians males, however, prefer a stealthy, indirect approach called Ninja Dating, which eliminates the risk of rejection prior to obtaining official dating status.

The following tactics of Ninja Dating work together to generate maximum surprise and confusion towards the ninja’s true intentions. If the tactics are successful, the target will end up in a relationship with the ninja without ever having the chance to reject him.

Disguised Infiltration: Operating under the camouflage of friendship, a ninja dater will invite the target to casual one-on-one dinners after work to “catch up” or “just hang out”. The dinner together will be identical in all respects to a normal group of friends activity, except that there will only be the ninja and the female.

Shadow Ambush: To progress to more serious dating activities, a ninja will surprise the target by inviting her to implied group outings to Broadway shows, romantic comedies, or barbeques at the beach. However, upon getting to the venue, the rest of the group never shows up and the romantic outing coincidentally becomes just the ninja and the target, who does not suspect the subterfuge. In addition, the ninja will begin to flirtatiously touch the targets arms, give shoulder massages, and stroke their hair with friendly compliments.

Smoke Bomb Escape: If there is little progress towards goals or the target suspects romantic intentions and impending rejection is inevitable, a ninja dater will abruptly stop calling and disengage from all communication. Infiltration of the next target, who is usually a friend or roommate of the original female target, will commence immediately without any of the usual problems associated with pursuing a close relation.

An unsuspecting female target has no chance against an experienced ninja dater, because the female’s natural power in determining the status of the relationship cannot exercised if the relationship is ambiguous. The correct strategy to deal with a suspected ninja dater is to use his own tactics against him. Take advantage of the opportunity by pursuing multiple potential relationships with many ninjas simultaneously, getting the maximum amount of free dinners, shows, and gifts. Because the time spent with the ninjas are not officially dates, but just good times between platonic friends, a female can get all of the benefits dating multiple people without acquiring a promiscuous reputation.

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10 Comments »

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  1. how dare you reveal the secrets of ninja dating

  2. Excuse me. You’re an idiot if you think women don’t recognize the “rest of the group never shows up and the romantic outing coincidentally becomes just the ninja and the target” technique. Unless you’re dating an idiot bimbo. That method has been widely overused and is now such a cliche that YOU turn into the reject if you ever tried to use that maneuver.
    In addition, and for the record, while flirtatious touches on the arms are great in expressing romantic interests, “shoulder massages” are completely lame and are generally used only by inexperienced daters or 3rd graders, and stroking “their hair without any warning or explanation” is just plain creepy.

  3. angel of mercy:
    So what techniques do you think will work? I am assuming you think the initiation and escape strategies are still effective. You sound like a female with experience in these matters, so more of your input would be very helpful.

  4. i’ve also been target of ninja dating, and i must say, it gets complicated when the ninja gets jealous about another ninja aftering the same target, and hates on the target for playing the field, because he assumes that she must have some clue as to what’s going on, and yet is enjoying it.

  5. a ninja dater may also have to deal with unanticipated “collateral damage” when just “hanging out” or “catching up” with friends who are really just friends. I supposed you’d call them bystanders or civilians? it’s tough when they think they’re being targeted, or otherwise don’t know what’s going on.

  6. tofuman:
    you are right. the key is to not ninja your real friends, only slight friends or acquaintances. otherwise there might be some blowback from the operation in terms of reputation risk and friendship risk

  7. Um…I don’t think half of you realized this was just a joke. Lighten up!

  8. […] Drop the ninja dating. […]

  9. I don’t even remember anymore how I got to this but – this is such a crack up!

  10. drama method aaron fox

    7) Ninja Dating | Things Asians Do


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