8) Escape to the Motherland

April 18, 2008 at 6:54 pm | Posted in Desires | 7 Comments

When Asians become disappointed and frustrated with their life in the United States, they start planning to move to their ancestral country. Commonly stated reasons to move are to get back in touch with their culture, relearn the language, take advantage of better work opportunities, or to start a business. These reasons however, are hiding the true motivation to move from their homeland – the inability to obtain the affections of Asian girls that meet their standards at home, and the Elysian bars, clubs, and cafes filled with attractive local girls.

An Asian expatriate’s desirability rises significantly in Asia as compared to the original level of attractiveness in the States. The increase in attractiveness is comprised of two effects, one absolute and one relative. The absolute effect comes from the doubling in purchasing power given the same nominal salary, and the potential to give a highly coveted spousal visa to a local woman who desires to move to the U.S. The relative effect comes from being taller, dressing better, and having nicer skin than the local males. The rough rule is that an Asian ranked 3.5 in the U.S. will improve to a 7.5 in China, with the same increase in average attractiveness of his dating pool.

It may appear that these Asians are giving up on the dating scene in the United States, but they are just taking advantage of the differential in well-being between countries. Non-Asians also frustrated with their experiences at home will also move to Asia, Brazil, or Eastern Europe for the same reasons. When meeting one of these future expatriates, never ask him about the real reason why he moved, because you will bring up painful memories of the last girl that rejected him. Instead, always say how much their accent will improve and be amazed at the money they will save living over there. In return, they will let you stay at their apartment for free when visiting them and also introduce you to girls much more attractive than you are used to.

N.B. Shortly after American Idol, William Hung was spotted in Hong Kong signing autographs at the Mandarin Hotel before climbing into a limousine with Maggie Q.