5) Wide Eyed Poses

April 11, 2008 at 6:33 pm | Posted in Habits | 13 Comments

Asian girls with large eyes are considered to be much more attractive than Asian girls with small eyes. Men place such a high premium on cute, large eyes that this one trait can compensate above and beyond other shortcomings, such as body type, skin quality, and personality. However, unlike the latter traits which require concerted, disciplined effort over time to improve, eye size can be easily increased in pictures with minimal effort.

When posing for a picture an Asian girl will hold her eyes as wide as possible, angle the head down, and look upwards into the camera held from a high angle. The combination of these three effects causes her eyes to look much larger than the normal, everyday eye size. Doing this equalizes their attractiveness to the level of naturally large eyed Asians. If the girl is extremely talented at wide eyed posing, it is almost possible to reach the attractiveness of a Hapa girl.

If you are a non-Asian posing for a picture with Asian girls, the first instinct is to imitate them and consciously open your eyes and angle your head down too. However, this is not recommended because widening your naturally large eyes makes their artificially wide eyes look much smaller in comparison. Instead you should squint slightly while looking below the camera, so that the Asian eyes are larger than yours. Doing this will make the Asian girls feel good about themselves when they see the picture, and they will take you out clubbing in gratitude.


4) Not being attracted to Black women

April 9, 2008 at 6:54 pm | Posted in Preferences | 41 Comments

(A typical Thursday night at the apartment – Beyonce’s newest music video appears on the television in the living room)
Asian male #1: “Do you think Beyonce is hot?”
Asian male #2: “No, not really. I mean, I can see how she is pretty, but I’m just not attracted to her, you know?”
Asian male #1: “Yeah, I know what you mean, I’m the same. She has a great body and nice face, but I don’t really feel it. What about Tyra Banks?”
Asian male #2: “Ugh! Not at all. The face does not do it for me.”
Asian male #1: “Maybe we’re genetically wired just to find Asian and White women attractive?”
Asian male # 2: “Perhaps. Let’s go watch The Scorpion King. I can never get enough of Kelly Hu.”

It is a universal rule that Asian males cannot be attracted to Black women. There are two theories explaining this phenomenon. The first is that Asian males are not exposed to Black girls during middle and high school, and therefore do not have the experience to properly appreciate the beauty of Black women. The second, and probably more credible theory, is that Black women rarely find Asian males attractive, and thus it is a simple case of Asian males preferring women that they have a non-zero probability of obtaining, which is the efficient use of their dating effort.

This is an extremely touchy subject to broach around Asian males. However, to defuse the potentially ruinous consequences of the subject, just say that you really liked the movie Romeo Must Die and that Aaliyah was great in it. This serves as a reminder that there are Black women that find Asian men attractive. However, to obtain relationships with them requires successful life-saving situations using martial arts.

3) Make Chopstick Stands

April 8, 2008 at 6:50 pm | Posted in Habits | Leave a comment

Whenever a group of Asians are eating at an Asian restaurant, it is inevitable that at least one of them will make a chopstick stand out of the paper chopstick wrapper. The stand is constructed after ordering food but before the food arrives at the table.

This pre-emptive unwrapping accomplishes two things, both of which Asians like. The first is maximum eating efficiency by eliminating the time spent unwrapping the chopsticks after the food is placed on the table. The second is that it gives them something productive to do while waiting for the food, slightly assuaging their natural impatience.

Non-Asians who make chopstick stands will immediately have elevated status with the Asians in the restaurant, including the management. There are even documented cases of White people making the chopstick stand and speaking a few words of Chinese (Ni hao) receiving free rice, tea, and oranges.

2) Hate on the Midwest

April 6, 2008 at 7:42 pm | Posted in Preferences | 3 Comments

Asians feel most comfortable in environments where there is a proportion of at least 15% Asians to non-Asians. Ideal environments for Asians are Southern California, New York City, and any Ivy League or non-southern engineering-heavy university. The 15% proportion ensures that Caucasians are rudimentarily aware that there is another class of races with black hair besides Blacks and Hispanics, and thus are somewhat culturally sensitive.

However, the one part of the United States which does not satisfy the 15% rule is the Midwest. Asians living in the Midwest are analogous to Jews living in the West Bank. True, there are some that live there, but you can be sure that most want to get out and move somewhere else as quickly as possible.

“It’s okay, not great” is the standard response of an Asian living in the Midwest when asked by Caucasians how they like live living there. A dislike of Chicago is quite unbelievable to Caucasians who love the city for precisely the same reason why Asians do not – the absence of minorities, especially in the Caucasian dominated wealthy areas of which Northside Chicago is the epicenter for the entire Midwest. There are also vocalizations of urgent desires to move to California or New York to be with family or to join their classmates working in finance.

N.B. This behavior is not present in Midwestern Asian girls (commonly attending Northwestern) who prefer to date Caucasians and enjoy significant elevated attractiveness to men due to their localized scarcity value.

1) Self-Extol Non-Redness While Drinking Alcohol

April 5, 2008 at 8:27 am | Posted in Conversations | 4 Comments

When Asians get together, the subject of drinking is frequently brought up during conversations. Usually this involves a recap of the most recent outing at a club (predominantly Asian) and discussions about who was dancing with whom, how hot the go-go dancers were, and who was the most drunk out of the group.

How do Asians gauge their level of drunkenness? Besides the universal sign of hitting on less-than-good looking members of the opposite sex, Asians have their own race-specific telltale of showing significant redness of the face. Something along the lines of “You’re face was really red last Saturday at the club, were you really that gone?” is inevitably said by one Asian to another during the discussion about the night out.

At this point, the one Asian in the group who does not get red-faced at all while drinking will proudly exclaim -“I never get red when drinking” implying that the non-redness is evidence of genetic superiority or the product of dedicated effort to develop a tolerance. Then the other Asians will tacitly acknowledge his superiority with questions about whether he drank a lot in college, has the anecdotal alcohol absorbing enzyme, or is part-white.

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