9) Not care about politics at all

April 21, 2008 at 9:37 pm | Posted in Cares | 5 Comments

Politics are rock-bottom last on the list of things Asians care about. The typical responses when asking Asians what political party they belong to are “I guess I’m a Republican”, or “I don’t know”, or “I didn’t vote at all yet”. Non-Asians might interpret this apathy about the democratic process as just laziness or ignorance, but really it is the natural by-products of the patriotic culture and virtual irrelevancy of politics on Asian life.

Politics and military service are strongly linked in American culture, and Asians are well aware that many politicians have records of serving in wars and thus are lauded for their commitment to the country. White people have a much stronger sense of patriotism in this regard and usually prefer a veteran to a non-veteran. However, Asian people feel the opposite because veterans are from the Korean or Vietnam wars. Asians who have watched Platoon, Flags of Our Fathers, or Apocalypse Now develop a strong distrust of old White people, which are the most politically active demographic and the majority of politicians running for office.

The actual impact of political changes and new legislation on Asians is miniscule, and Asians see politics a tool to solve other races problems, but not theirs. For example, since no Asians live in New Orleans, Asians do not care that Bush botched the FEMA rescue effort during Hurricane Katrina. No Asians are in the military, so they do not care of the Iraq war continues. Few Asians are on welfare, and the only Asians that care about illegal immigration are the Asian illegal immigrants, who cannot participate and vote anyways. Asians are part of the economy and have mortgages like everyone else, but because they have higher credit scores and friends working on Wall Street, they did not get ensnared by the subprime mortgage crisis. To convince Asians to be involved politics, you must highlight the issues that Asians really care about, such as being Asian, interracial dating, and clubbing.

If you are a Democrat and want your normally apathetic Asian friend to vote your way, tell her that Barack Obama is part Asian and he lived in Indonesia, Hawaii, and Los Angeles until going to Columbia. Also mention that John McCain has trouble accepting Vietnamese people and refuses to eat pho or ramen.

If you are a Republican and want your Asian friend to vote your way, tell him that Barack Obama wants to racially integrate Asian clubs to encourage more White and Black people to date Asians so the U.S. will be more harmoniously multi-racial. Under no circumstances should you ever mention John McCain.



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  1. most asians i know are republicans because they

    1. are christians and appeal to the hot-button ethical issues
    2. have white collar jobs and don’t like tax cuts

    borrrring! let’s see some more pictures of HOT asian girls with big eyes!!!! wooWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ❤

  2. obama grew up in indonesia??! he has my vote!!!
    also funny is the part about mccain disliking pho/ramen. is that really true? i knew something was off about him.

  3. weird, most of my friends are Asians and they all all very opinionated about different politicians and ideologies. And a few Asians I know even joined the army. So your post is not entirely accurate.

  4. The fuck?! This is rude and mostly not true !

  5. This feels mildly satiric and towards the end is evidently moreso written jokingly. But the fact of the matter is, there is some truth behind every joke. And as an Asian-American, while I understand that not caring about the war in Iraq because it is not directly related to your own lifestyle may seem ignorant, I also can’t help but agree that many of your points are valid. Humans, naturally, seek to make our own individual lives the best that we can, and if we see no correlation between an event elsewhere and our lives today or in the future, then it’s fair to say “well, then I don’t care”. It is a selfish way of thought, but we are selfish.
    Furthermore, for those who still think that Asians not caring about American politics is ignorant, look at it this way: If you lived in an Asian country, and you were well off, and politics did not affect the comfiness of your life there, you probably would not care about politics there either. In fact, I’m sure most Americans have no clue what’s even going on in the political world in Asia right now.

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